Finding your voice isn’t something you’re burned with. It can be learned.
I Was Bullied. Then I got into martial arts.
I was the kid who learned quickly that quiet = safe.
Then, as I grew up I found out that equation doesn’t work. Twenty-one years of Muay Thai on and off taught me something different: I can be soft, observant, and still strike (with words obviously) when it matters. I used to be scared to speak up. Freshmen year, I froze mid-sentence in front of my whole class. Embarrassed.
Overcoming fear helped me learn to be brave to speak up is important with a reminder to yourself that it comes with good intention.
Now that sounds like to my parents, “Hey Mom, when’s your upcoming doctor appointments? I want to be there?”
Or to my former boss, “I know the board meeting is next week, but I caught this in the report and this is how we can fix it…”
Respecting My Elders Never Meant Shrinking at Work
I was raised to respect my elders, but I also know my parents immigrated to the United States for a better future where our voices are heard and to get out of poverty. As I’ve gotten older, self advocacy is just this: give value first, then say the honest thing, even when someone may not feel good. I was hired for my voice, not my silence.
The Real Shift
| What I Used To Do | What I Do Now (Conscious Conversations ®) |
|---|---|
| Stay quiet to keep the peace | Use my voice to actually create peace |
| Perform to prove I’m enough | Lead from fullness, not from a hole I’m trying to fill |
| Talk myself out of hard convos | Speaking with confidence because I trust my nervous system, not just my script |
How does this show up in the real difficult conversations? A colleague seemed frustrated so I asked, “Hey first name, I noticed you seemed frustrated with me? Any feedback for me?”
And their response, “Ya, it’s just we always do it this way, and you suggested a different way.”
I responded, “I understand, but these are the issues with that way and to solve it we can do xyz.”
That’s curiosity toward the problem, not the person. And using calm communication to respond.
FAQ
Is this just confidence coaching?
No. It’s trauma-informed, nervous-system-based, and built on real training. I completed my IFS for Foundations for Coaches program and got my Bachelors in Cognitive Sciences.
Won't speaking up wreck the relationship?
You’re not in charge of how someone reacts, you are responsible for your own reaction.
Is this only for Asian women?
No, I coach leaders across every background. I just wanted to share this experience.
Ask yourself: where are you staying quiet to keep the peace, and what’s that silence actually costing you?
Start using your voice.
Need support with it? Schedule a call.
